I am so glad that Santa is not our Saviour. Do not get me wrong, I love Santa. He exhibits perfection and beauty. He is filled with a jolly spirit, always smiling. He has the perfect rosy cheeks and button nose. He has this silky soft beard, sparkling eyes, and a captivating charisma. Our best behavior occurs when we are around him or when we speak about him because he keeps records of our wrongs. I now realize that we do not know much about Santa's character. We know he is a nice man, he gives gifts to those who are good, and he likes milk and cookies... But as much as I want to be a good person, and as much as I seek holiness, I am still an imperfect and broken human being. I do not know what constitutes as good in Santa's book, because although I would like to think of myself as a good person, I have definitely made- and continue to make mistakes. I am broken and hurting, but Santa only seems to be interested in what gifts I want and if I have been good. I cannot tell him when I have messed up or when I am hurting... After all, I only see him once a year and he is too busy to write back. Santa, what I really need this year, is for a cure for a broken heart. For strength and a lifting of my burdens... But as sweet as you are, you have only used band aids to fix what only stiches can heal...
Christmas 2013 had ended up a complete disaster- the car ride consisted of nothing but bickering between the family. Everyone was stressed out and frustrated with each other. We got to the cabin after sundown on Christmas Eve to find out our cabin heater was broken, so we had no running water, and had to sleep on the floor next to the fire, wearing six layers of clothes. Christmas morning, the water worked but the heater was not still working well and the propane was running out. We tried to close up the cabin as quickly as possible and book a hotel so we would have time to ski but the water took too long to drain. What looked like a cute, relaxing getaway, was in reality a complete mess. We were quickly reminded of the Christmas Eve message we heard the previous night...
"But there will be no gloom for her who was in anguish. In the former time he brought into contempt the land of Zebulun and the land of Naphtali, but in the latter time he has made glorious the way of the sea, the land beyond the Jordan, Galilee of the nations. The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; those who dwelt in a land of deep darkness, on them has light shone. You have multiplied the nation; you have increased its joy; they rejoice before you as with joy at the harvest, as they are glad when they divide the spoil. For the yoke of his burden, and the staff for his shoulder, the rod of his oppressor, you have broken as on the day of Midian. For every boot of the tramping warrior in battle tumult and every garment rolled in blood will be burned as fuel for the fire. For to us a child is born, to us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder, and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Of the increase of his government and of peace there will be no end, on the throne of David and over his kingdom, to establish it and to uphold it with justice and with righteousness from this time forth and forevermore. The zeal of the Lord of hosts will do this." (Isaiah 9:1-7 ESV)
We attended probably one of the most incredible Christmas services in my 21 years that night. The pastor spoke about how this year has especially been a hard year across the board for everyone. We live in darkness and are burdened by so many things, filled with deep anguish, loss, and brokenness. Tears started streaming down my face as I remembered the year I had, experiencing a lot of transition, with losing friends, heartbreak, a dear friend passing away, suffering persecution as a ministry. I did experience an abundance of God's glory and blessings through it all, but by the end of this year, I felt tired. I had fought so hard this year to keep pursuing The Lord, but I had reached a place of exhaustion. The pastor went on to say that our reality is that we are a fragile people- not capable of holding ourselves up for eternity. We try to busy ourselves by ignoring the reality of our brokenness.. But the reality is that we are a hurting people. Jesus did not come on a magnificent sleigh with eight magical reindeer, with a beautiful red coat, and material gifts to temporarily fix our hurts. He humbled himself to a child, born upon itchy straw, in a cold stable that smelled of manure. He was born into a mess, to take on the mess, so we wouldn't have to be defined by our mess. He experienced the darkness of the world and chose to take it upon his shoulders. The hope we have is that God chose to enter into OUR mess and take our burdens upon himself, he walks BESIDE us. But he cannot help us until we realize we need his help, until we recognize our brokenness and look to him for everlasting life. There IS a path out of this mess. The reason we long for the Christmas story is because of the weight of our own sin, loss, and anguish. Jesus wants to enter into our dark places. He longs for our desperation for Him, He longs to be our Emmanuel, God With Us, Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. So instead of writing a Christmas letter about how awesome my Christmas has been or my year has been, I am going to be honest, and say both have been a complete wreck... Yet extremely glorious. Jesus has stepped into my broken mess over and over again. He has been my comfort, my companion, my fortress, my peace, my home, my joy, and my healer. There is no shame in brokenness, because he longs to be our Emmanuel. So I am glad Santa is not my Saviour... because the King of Kings did not come for the perfect, he came to rescue the broken! Merry Christmas everyone! Peace be with you!
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