Light Break Forth

Hello, Hello! I cannot believe it has been over a year since I last wrote... anyways, I am as Switchfoot would sing, "Learning to breathe, learning to fly" in my new home of DFW. About 8 months ago I had the honor of recording some of my heart's sounds with the college ministry I was apart of prior to my "big" move. This was an INCREDIBLE experience crafting the songs with some of my best friends and having the opportunity to release these sounds with our church family and community. Despite all the beautiful things God did, I wrestled with self-frustration when the work was finished. I was not able to hear or see the true beauty of what God did because I was buried and blinded by insecurity and a perfectionist mindset.

As the Lord has been graciously unwinding this perfectionist mentality, I have been discovering more of the unfiltered beauty He has planted within me to share with the world. I have been digging up treasures of freedom and uncovering new mercies. My eyes are beginning to focus in on His thoughts alone rather than struggling in my own whirlpool of doubt and fear. I have been realizing that some of the most beautiful sounds and moments are those which cannot be rehearsed or planned; those that are the pure product of heart-practice :) I am learning to wear His freedom and take this boldness into my internship, conversations, and just silly moments driving alone in my car!

While driving home from Thanksgiving break I felt His Spirit prompt me to listen to the CD that had been collecting dust in my glove box for several months entitled, "Light Break Forth." My heart felt His presence of peace and joy as I heard the album for the first time in months with a completely new set of ears (or more accurately - a renewed mind). I felt beauty. Raw, real beauty. I felt beautiful. Not because of anything I did, but because of His truths that I was able to freely receive. This work is nothing to be ashamed or afraid of, it is a story of freedom! Of course, the artist in me is now finding ways to craft more of these songs, but no longer out of a need for perfection- now out of a deepened understanding of the Father's heart and from a new landscape of freedom.

I dreamt a couple of nights ago of a woman speaking to me about my process. To keep in mind that blooming into who He has made me to be is a lifelong process. We are already perfected by the grace of God. So we do not have to be frustrated with ourselves for any reason, all we have to do is fix our eyes on Jesus. When we do this, HE will chisel away at our hearts and craft us to shine more of His image. See, HE is the CREATOR. And I think He enjoys crafting us the way that I love to craft songs. How annoying would it be if my songs just reached out of the page and grabbed my hands saying, "Sorry, but we are done here. I am as good as they get." 1 John 1:8 says, "If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us." Verse 10 goes on to say, "If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word is not in us." So when we realize how messed up and imperfect we are, this is actually the first step to freedom and also an indicator of His truth IN US! We are faulty humans and that is why we need Christ to fill in the gaps and hold us together to behold His glory. Even better, He gives us new eyes to see the beauty that our imperfection makes when joined by trust to Him.

I am so thankful for the Lord and His unending mercies! Thankful that where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom (2 Corinthians 3:17)!